Alice My Dear, Love Never Fails.

Alice,
I truly believe what the Bible says, that Love never fails. Your dad and I are watching the movie Loving tonight and I was thinking of how awful it would be to be a person in love with another consenting adult of sound mind and to have someone else say we couldn’t be together because of their own ideas. Love whomever you want, my dear, and let others love who they will.
If that love is not (physically) hurting someone or taking advantage of someone who cannot give consent, then what does it matter to anyone else? Mommy is a person who believes that people should allow each other to be much more free than they are. Mommy also believes that more love in the world is a good thing, even if it doesn’t always last, even if the end hurts sometimes, and even if the neighbors don’t understand.
I hope you grow up to have so much love in your life. Love from friends and family and also from someone you choose to be a partner to you. And so much love from God that you just can’t escape it.
Be well my brilliant and bright little four year old, and be loved, and never stand in the way of another person doing so as well.
-Love you so- Mommy

Advertisements

Alice, My Dear, Remember We Are Concerned,

 

Sometimes in my life, I felt I got too much praise for being self sufficient and I thought this was a sign that people didn’t care for me. I felt like I needed more guidance and yet, I never asked for it. I had the words, I remember thinking just the sentences I should have said “I wish someone could help me, I feel like I have too many choices, Don’t you care?”

Every time someone said to me “Do whatever you want with your life! You’ll be great! You could do anything! You’re so smart!” I thought, “I wish someone had some actual expectations of me!

Just so you know, in case we don’t do a great job of showing it to you (though I hope we do), we have expectations of you. We are concerned for you. We want you to have the best life possible. We may not have super specific ideas of what you should do, though we see many talents already emerging in you and we talk about it sometimes daily.

Sometimes we call you the little engineer because we see how you love to find out how the mechanics of things work. Often we joke you’ll be like Pop Pop Jerry and become a mechanic because any time a car hood is open you try to get involved and see what’s going on. You even got a plastic car with it’s own drill that comes apart and goes back together for Christmas this year and you love it.

Anyhow, there’s more to you than we can fathom, and who knows what the world will be like when you grow up. But I have one request of you when you think of what you’re going to do in your life: Think ahead!

Use that big imagination we see and look toward your future with an eye to painting yourself a picture. Get a video in your head of the life you most want, the biggest dreams you can think of, and then start planning on how to get there. Don’t worry or stall out due to fear, remember things can be broken down into nice small steps no matter what it is. And each step can be conquered one at a time. Remember all those who love you and that none of us would turn away an ask for help, but also that there’s no shame in asking anyone. The worst that can happen is that you get turned down and try a different route.

God will put the right people in your life to help you along the way, and if you doubt, just wait on His timing. He’ll make things happen in ways you can’t fathom and through other people you’d never expect.

I love you, Mom.

 

Alice My Dear, It’s Mother’s Day again…

Hello Love!

You’re almost 2, can you believe it? You probably can, but I really can not. I can’t believe how big you’re getting and how smart and wonderful you are. I love watching you grow and learn to solve problems and discover new skills every day. You’re trying to talk so much now and you’re loving that this year is so warm and we’re already outside a lot.

I love being your Mother, my Beanie Girl, but today I always have to remind myself of many things. For some reason, I often find myself with too high of expectations and it’s your poor father who suffers me getting all upset because he’s forgotten one little thing or accidentally made plans on MY DAY!

And really, it’s just like any other day. Sure, it’s lovely if someone appreciates something you do, or having you in their life, but these holidays, and the idea that we can build them up in our minds and expect something other than just another day. Some days are better and some days are worse, and the same is true of holidays, and mother’s days, and birthdays.

The key to enjoying and having a good day any day, Beanie girl, is gratefulness. Not high expectations and societal pressures to make people get you gifts or do something extra special for you. If someone chooses to observe these things, great. If they don’t, well, I can promise there will be something else to be grateful for, even if it isn’t what you expected.

That’s something your old Mom has so much trouble with: rolling with the punches. I get prickly and angry and grumpy and wrong if things don’t go the way I expect them to. And that isn’t how I hope you’ll be, my love. I hope you’ll  be happy to find a way to look for things to be thankful for, rather than finding reasons to be instantly defensive like I too often do.

I love you, my baby girl, and I am so happy on this day and every day to be your Mother.

😀

My Dear Alice, Here are Some Thoughts On Insults.

Your great grandma Janis can be harsh sometimes. In the past she has been saddened by people’s reactions to the things she says because, I think, she truly doesn’t intend to seem as judgmental as she may be. It is a fault, perhaps, but not a behavior I believe she does purposefully.
Still, she has called me spoiled all my life, and now recently has called you a brat, even though you’re only 1 year old and certainly not manipulative or trying to behave badly, ever. You try so hard, my darling girl, and you are such a sweet heart. You do so well, my love. I am so proud of you, always, and in every way.
But your Great Grandma’s words have made me think of quite a few things.
First: People insult you because of deficiencies and insecurities in their own character, not yours. Someone who has a true criticism that actually is from a good place in their heart and which they are saying to you out of a genuine worry for you or love of you and attempt to help you improve will often still sting a little, but it is much different than an insult like these.
Second: Insults and hurt feelings can come even from those we expect to lift us up, support us, and protect us. The devil can sometimes use anyone and it is our job to remember to look to God and who He says we are, and to gracefully ignore all other detractors.
Thirdly: The reason insults hurt our feelings is because we wonder if they are true. In this case, because my Grandmother seems like the ultimate authority, as the matriarch of our family and someone I’ve always loved and respected and thought of as wise, it strikes me deep when she insults me and especially you, my dearheart.
You are so intelligent, so strong, and so silly. You who are always striving to make adults happy with you, to do your best and make people smile. Already at 1 1/2 you are so sensitive to hurt feelings and so aware of people’s disapproval that it really breaks my heart. You have a tough road ahead of you because of that, my girl.
Lastly: We don’t have to believe what others say about us, especially as far as things which only come from their own jealousies, misunderstandings, or a need to vent out bile they are harboring.
In the case of your Great Grandma, I love her dearly, I am so upset by this and it came during a week that has been harder than most by far already, but I am going to pray and forgive and try to forget so I don’t end up with more bile of my own.
People will have impressions of you your whole life, Alice, and whether they seem true or accurate to you or not, the best thing to remember is that they are really not any business of yours. Other people’s opinions of you mostly only serve a purpose in their own lives, and need not serve any in yours. Be who God sent you here to be, my girl, and remember that your Mom has always loved you, always treasured your sweet heart and adventurous, intelligent character.

Alice, Remember To Have Confidence In Who God Says You Are

Alice, my love,

If there’s one thing I teach you, one thing you remember from all these letters and all my chattering at you, I pray you remember this: You Are SO Good Enough! You are good enough for anything and everything and anyone and everyone. Not because of anything you will do in your life, and not because you were blessed with so many special qualities, though I do believe you were, but because God says you are good enough. God said you were good enough for Him to sit down and make you with such intimate detail that He knows each hair on your head (Luke 12:7). God said you were good enough to be called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). God said you were good enough to give up His only Son for (John 3:16)!

You are good enough and I hope you never let anyone make you feel you aren’t. Sometimes it’s so easy to take people’s words into our own hearts and to feel the pain of them too deeply. We remember the hurts too strongly and forget the compliments. And those who sling those thorns are usually expecting you not to really take them to heart, or they are just unthinkingly reflecting out their own inner hurts, and they’ll even be surprised when you take it into yourself and feel bad because of it. So don’t. Just don’t. I hope I can teach you to have enough confidence in God’s word and His opinion of you, and who you are as His child, and that He gives you enough Grace to just let all the crud people spew go rolling off your back.

You are special, you are so funny, you are so sweet, you are already so so loved. Don’t let other people’s pain become your own.

 

I love you so, my dear. You can never fail me for I know your heart, and I know how God has made you, in His image, and what God says about who you are. Have confidence in that, my love, for your whole life.

 

-Love Mommy

Alice, My Dear, Know You Are Wanted!

I want you to know how very much you’re wanted, my love. Not only did we pray for you and plan for you, we wished and hoped and dreamed of you before we were even aware that we’d get to be parents. Your Dad and I each separately held you in our hearts as dreams long before we even met, and when God finally led us to one another, we could see we’d get a chance at being parents and boy, we didn’t hesitate!

There are a lot of people who were “accidents” to their parents. Your great Uncle Lehi was so much an accident that Great Grandpa Dorsey had even had a surgery to try and stop having children, but God decided they needed one more.

I want you to know that babies are never accidents. God sends us who He sends us for his reasons and if you hear your friends talking later on in your life about being an “accident” you should know that not only were you not an accident to us, your family, you were not an accident to God and neither were they. God has counted each hair on your silly little fluffy duck head, before you even have them all grown in yet! How amazing is that?!

I just don’t ever want you to think you are without a reason, without a purpose, Alice Anne. Your purpose may be hard to find, you may have quite a journey on your hands to seek it from God, but hopefully we’ll be capable of helping you do that. We’re figuring that out for ourselves just now in our nightly study, your Dad and I, and it’s so so neat and inspiring to understand more about. I hope you learn to ask intelligent questions, to seek spiritual answers, and to never stop learning from the Bible, your family, and the world. You are a sweet and wonderful little girl and I’m so very blessed to be your Mommy, and I cannot wait to see what God’s overall purpose will be for you and to watch you seek it out and find it! It’s all out there waiting for you, Darling!

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9

My Dear Alice, You’re 7 Months Old Now!

Honey, I am so bad at writing in your baby book, and I get thrown by the fact that all the baby books these days seem to have specific items they want you to fill in instead of just allowing some blank lines for talking to your child about who they are and what they’re doing, so I hope you don’t miss having one too much when you’re older. I may try to make it up and go back and just write what I want regardless of what the book asks for but it seems silly since I already write you here. So, with that in mind, here’s a little update on what you’ve been up to lately.

You’re seven months old now and wearing 9 to 12 month clothes mostly, especially since you’re so tall. You smile every morning and the one time you didn’t was a day we knew you were feeling sickly. You’re sweet and funny and you make up games to play with everyone like different kinds of peek a boo or pretending you don’t see someone. You love a game lately where you reach for Mommy and I hold you then you reach for Grandma until she takes you and we go back and forth a bit until you’re holding on to both of us. You love having all your people around and you usually get so delighted if we’re all in the same room like when we sit at the table and play our card games or do puzzles.

You’ve just recently become so fascinated by the dog and cats that we have to watch you so you don’t hurt them accidentally and they don’t hurt you either. You got a good grip on Lovey’s whiskers the other day, I heard from Grandma.

You’re standing up by yourself for ten or twenty seconds at a time in your walker or in the circle of someone’s arms, and you are always jumping and bouncing when people hold you in a standing position. You are able to pull yourself around quite a bit on your tummy now too and have quit only turning in circles like you used to. You’re getting so big and able!

You’ve always spoken so early and you’ve called me Mam or Mommy practically since you were born and Dad Yaddy since before we brought you home from the hospital but now you’re babbling and blabbing up a storm all day and trying out little sentences like “I nee dat” and “I nee yaddy”. It’s yet another thing you do that makes us feel a little crazy because it seems like you shouldn’t be able to have such advanced language skills, yet they are evident. You also seem to be scooting ahead of the developmental curve emotionally. Like when you made the “I nee Yaddy” comment and it was because I was busy in the kitchen and was ignoring your fussing about something while I asked you to wait a minute, so you apparently decided Yaddy would help sooner! 😀

You love and adore your Aunt April and we’re having a bit of a hard time keeping you from trying to grab her clothes and hair all the time, which she doesn’t like, but you’re learning to use your hands more gently and have been doing a very good job this week of listening when we say let go and actually being able to do it.

I accidentally got you in trouble this week because you scratched me hard on the eye and I took your hand away and said “No, ouch” in what was apparently a too harsh voice because you cried for a few minutes and I had to remind you that it was okay and you weren’t in trouble, but that you just needed to be gentle. Later that day you spent a long time putting your hand gently on my face and laughing when I praised you for such nice touching without gripping or scratching.

You play with all sorts of different toys now, beanie girl, but you mostly love whatever you don’t usually get to have so we spend a little bit of each day letting you have one thing that you haven’t had before to play with. You chewed a piece of paper to death the other day and the day before that you got to play with some of April’s fake fruit with Mommy keeping a close eye.

You’re sucking your thumb these days and you have put everything in your mouth for months now and teethed on it. No teeth through your gums yet but you’ve had swollen spots for more than two months. You were pretty pitiful with the pain for awhile but it seems to have gotten better since we got you an amber teething bracelet.

After Mommy held you for your last vaccines you went to Daddy and every time you looked back at me you cried for a few minutes and that was pretty hard on me! You, thankfully, forgave me quickly and allowed me to comfort you like I was wanting to.

At six months or so, when the teething was really very bad you had a long clingy phase to Mom and I was calling you my little barnacle because you’d cry if I walked ten feet away or even turned my back so you couldn’t see my face. You’re back to being more independent now and even forget if I’m in the room sometimes if you’re crawling and playing. You still want Mommy and Yaddy to both be home and in the bedroom with you when you get ready for bed, but what kid doesn’t? We always just think it’s so smart that you even know to notice.

 

You’re really so big and tough and sweet and wonderful, Beanie, and we are so so blessed to get to see that smile every morning. We love you, Alice Girl~!